Thumbs up if you're a douche
Literally, a douche is a medicinal application intended to sanitize the vagina. Douches actually kill off the naturally occurring bacteria that fight off infection and disease. Even though their ineffectiveness is widely known, douches are still in common use today. Douches merely mask the symptoms of conditions for which women should seek medical attention.
So a douche is something kind of gross that doesn’t really do anyone any good at all and still manages to hang around somehow.
Every day we hear more and more people referred to as douches, douche nozzles, douche bags and so on, but what does that mean? Can you tell if you are sitting next to a douche? Are you a douche?
In short, a douche is an asshole you can pity.
Like assholes, douches are male. Women are never referred to as assholes or douches. Women who behave like assholes or douches are simply referred to as bitches. It may not be fair, but consider that men are not referred to as sluts or skanks or a host of other female-only slurs.
Douches are almost always oblivious to their douchiness. Their cologne smells perfectly fine, no one notices them yammering on their bluetooths everywhere they go. It’s all perfectly normal and acceptable in their minds.
Also like assholes, douches lack empathy for others. They can be rude, offensive or just insensitive. Unlike assholes, this isn’t forced or intentional – instead douches are usually clueless about their self-centric world view. For example, you tell your boss your mother has died and that you will be out for a full week – taking the three days standard bereavement time and two days of vacation, if after half-heartedly offering condolences he says “I’ll have to check the policy on anything more than the three days of bereavement. Three days is usually all you need. Do you really think you’ll need more than that,” he’s probably a douche.
Douches are not enviable – nobody wants to be a douche. Any success in life has been in spite of being a douche.
While douches are always male, they are never men. Where a man would roll up his sleeves and take up tools, a douche makes a phone call to have a man come out with his tools. Douches want you to use a coaster to protect their furniture, not to pacify their wives. These guys can be weightlifters, professional athletes, or pencil-pushers, but douchery makes them all equal on this point.
Professions for douches:
- Politician
- Lawyer
- Salesman
- Entertainer
- Middle Management
- Barista
What is a Douche?
Thumbs up if you're a douche
Literally, a douche is a medicinal application intended to sanitize the vagina. Douches actually kill off the naturally occurring bacteria that fight off infection and disease. Even though their ineffectiveness is widely known, douches are still in common use today. Douches merely mask the symptoms of conditions for which women should seek medical attention.
So a douche is something kind of gross that doesn’t really do anyone any good at all and still manages to hang around somehow.
Every day we hear more and more people referred to as douches, douche nozzles, douche bags and so on, but what does that mean? Can you tell if you are sitting next to a douche? Are you a douche?
In short, a douche is an asshole you can pity.
Like assholes, douches are male. Women are never referred to as assholes or douches. Women who behave like assholes or douches are simply referred to as bitches. It may not be fair, but consider that men are not referred to as sluts or skanks or a host of other female-only slurs.
Douches are almost always oblivious to their douchiness. Their cologne smells perfectly fine, no one notices them yammering on their bluetooths everywhere they go. It’s all perfectly normal and acceptable in their minds.
Also like assholes, douches lack empathy for others. They can be rude, offensive or just insensitive. Unlike assholes, this isn’t forced or intentional – instead douches are usually clueless about their self-centric world view. For example, you tell your boss your mother has died and that you will be out for a full week – taking the three days standard bereavement time and two days of vacation, if after half-heartedly offering condolences he says “I’ll have to check the policy on anything more than the three days of bereavement. Three days is usually all you need. Do you really think you’ll need more than that,” he’s probably a douche.
Douches are not enviable – nobody wants to be a douche. Any success in life has been in spite of being a douche.
While douches are always male, they are never men. Where a man would roll up his sleeves and take up tools, a douche makes a phone call to have a man come out with his tools. Douches want you to use a coaster to protect their furniture, not to pacify their wives. These guys can be weightlifters, professional athletes, or pencil-pushers, but douchery makes them all equal on this point.
Professions for douches: